All of my original puns in one page

Where does concrete go to die? The cementary.

Why are rainbows the best students? Because they always pass with flying colors.

There’s strength in numbers.
That’s probably why mathematicians keep winning weightlifting competitions.

What do infidels and potheads have in common? They both get stoned.

They say fire was the hottest invention of its time.

Which place in the UK has the most blubber? Wales

What logical operator is red and itchy? XOR eyes

I asked my friend why she was dumping her magnetic monopole. She said she couldn’t stand a one-sided relationship.

“What’s wrong?” I asked the Marianas trench. “I’m under a lot of pressure these days,” she said. “Those are some pretty deep thoughts you’re having.”

I envy road construction workers. They’ve acquired a long list of earth-shattering accomplishments.

I heard general anesthesia makes you better at math. After all, it helps you get through major operations.

Judging by the presentation and lovely aroma, I knew their star chef had a hand in it.
You know why I didn’t eat any of it? I’m not a cannibal.

There’s a TV series about UTI issues faced by soldiers in wartime.
It’s called the Band of Bladders.

At the board meeting of a meat processing company…
Look, I’m not gonna pork over the funds just like that. Surely you can’t just chicken out just because of what happened? I think you just have a beef with the new VP. Don’t vealify him for that one mistake. It just sounds fishy to me. As for me, I don’t care. I second the mutton.

Sino ang pinakamatalinong superhero?
Si Kaala Man

Why did the rubber wheel cancel his appointment?
He was tired.

You might not like fungi jokes at first, but they’ll grow on you eventually.

Exerting one final push as she gave birth to clear blue skies, warmth, and brightness, Gaia breathed a great sigh of relief. The moon asked her what she wanted to name her child.
“I don’t know,” she replied. “Let’s just call it a day.”

There are two types of fart sounds: bowels and colonsonants.

Don’t be surprised if you find a lawyer in your shower.
They’ll get you out if you land yourself in hot water.

When cows need to work for a living, they call it the dairy grind.

After introducing herself, the consultant jumps into the discovery session with the representative from the meat processing company. “How do you usually make changes around here?” she asks.
“Oh.” the rep glanced around. Comforted that no one’s in range, he leans forward and whispers, “For that, you need to get buy-in from the steak holders.”

I don’t hate the French, but right now they’re revolting.

Which disease likes to save money?

Which cat doesn’t study but gets high scores?
The Cheetah

If you do something on a lark, will it be too heavy for the bird?

What’s the opposite of Cebuano?

It must be lucrative to be a flour factory worker. I mean, they’re practically rolling in dough.