Marie Kondo Ultra

It’s 2030. The world is in chaos. Rising from the ashes of a tumultuous decade, an extremist group spreads around the world forcibly organizing homes and discarding things that don’t spark joy–with or without the owner’s consent. They’re called the MKU or Marie Kondo Ultra. Their tenets evolved from a fundamentalist interpretation of Marie Kondo’s bestseller, which they consider sacred.


When the stimulants stop working
And all that’s left are the cold embers of your soul
Nothing to wake you up
from the stupor of a lazy day
When all you want to do
is lose yourself in the word-worlds of King and Rowling 
or pet your cats to oblivion
There is no actual point to this piece
Just a momentary distraction, a lark
So let’s just end on a happy note
Whoa, look at that G sharp smile!

We’re Booked

When the schedule you want is unavailable, here’s how different kinds of hotels might write the notification:

Harsh: “We’re full. Go away.”

Dramatic: “We have spurned your advances! Our hearts, er, rooms are fully booked. We apologize to the depths of our being.”

Scientific: “As much as we want to squeeze you in, Pauli’s exclusion principle disallows it”

Millennial: “We literally can’t even. We’re booked AF.”

Corporate Memo: “Please be advised that the schedule you have chosen is not available at this time. We apologize for any possible inconvenience we may have caused you—not that we have done anything legally wrong by doing so, since we have not committed to anything yet.”